An Exercise in Patience

My favorite definition of patience is "to wait with kindness." Patience is a trait that I have been consciously working on for many years now. I was not born a laid-back being. I'm a little bit high-strung, quick to be nervous, and quick to feel overwhelmed. The positive spin to my personality is that I'm a go-getter, I am very thorough, and headstrong. But the phrases, "Let it be," "Whatever," and "Que sera, sera" do not come naturally to me! And now we are experiencing the schizophrenic weather of spring in Wisconsin. What a tease! Some days are warm, some are cold, some are sunny, some have snow...sheesh. It's enough to send a gardener into a padded room with a cozy jacket (Hey, where are my arms?) And so for the first time, in order to get my hands a little dirty I have decided to foray into starting my plants from seed. Excitedly I bought the seeds. On a warmer, sunny day a couple of weeks back I broke out the stuff and planted a few of them. Here's what I've planted so far:

• Sungold Cherry Tomato
• Sweet 100 Cherry Tomato
• Parlsey
• Crimson Red Pepper
• Orange Bell Pepper
• Yellow Bell Pepper
• Calendula Flower
• Habanero Pepper

And so far...it's been EXCRUTIATING!! I checked every day for something, anything. Then last week the first tomato plants emerged, and yesterday the parsley popped a little green sprout. But no sign from the other seeds. And so I'm back to waiting. I'm back to practicing patience. How wonderful then, to look at my kids and see how far I've really come in regards to practicing patience. They test me every day. From the milk that spills on my newly-mopped floor, the butt that needs a new diaper right before we're headed out the door, the whining that occurs when they just don't realize how tired they are, the thousandth time that I've watched The Land Before Time, to the millionth time that I've heard, "Mom do you want to hear a story?" and the 30 minute-intensely-detailed masterpiece that follows and requires my whole attention. Oh how they test me! Sometimes I just want Manny to rush through that story, I want Adrian to just hold out for 2 more minutes before I can cuddle him, I want to not trip over the same toy over and over again that seems to be purposefully placed before me no matter how many times I put it away. I want 5 minutes to go by where I can get lost in my thoughts and not be interrupted with "MAMA!!!!" All of these events try my patience. But lo and behold the reward. The patience that I practice with them translates to two caring boys. Most days when Adrian cries, Manny will come over and sweetly say, "Hey little guy. You're alright." while he gently strokes Adrian's face and gives him a hug. This evening at dinner Manny threw a tantrum because we didn't pour his water first. (He was very tired) What do I see? Adrian patiently walks over to Manny and rubs his arm and then hugs him! The little brother comforting his older brother that is hurting, just as Manny always comforts him. Such joy lives in my heart! Speaking of the boys, since I don't have any real interesting pictures to post yet of my little plants, I thought I'd post some recent videos of my boys for your enjoyment! But back to gardening. These spring days are hard when you look out the window and see snow. And it's frustrating to hear the weatherman predict cooler weather. And it's difficult to stare at empty pots day after day. But I have faith that these little seeds that I've planted will soon grow tall and bountiful and bring me such delight...if I'm patient.

Time

Time is wasting,

Time is walking

You ain’t no friend of mine

I don’t know where I’m goin’

I think I'm out of my mind,
Thinking about Time...-Hootie and the Blowfish

This song has been running over and over in my head for about a month now. Why? Because it perfectly describes my late summer. Where the heck did my time go? Where did summer go? It seems that I blinked and all of the sudden we're in Fall. We're in mid-September! WHAT?!! Manny needs yet another haircut, Adrian will be ONE at the end of this month. My baby!! I can't seem to keep up with time.

How's the garden growing? I'm glad you asked. Well, this is how I'll describe my garden. It's not very attractive at the moment, but it's functional. We had plenty of cucumbers, green beans, hot peppers, tomatoes, and now the pumpkin is thriving. It seems that right before labor day the garden got away from me and I was unable to really tend to it. The weeds came back a-plenty and I could've watered the plants a bit more, given them a bit more food, mulched a little more, pinched a little more...you get the idea. Plants that did really well: Cucumbers, Sweet Peas, Green Beans, Cherry Tomatoes, Roma Tomatoes, Cayenne Peppers, Banana Peppers, Strawberries, Rhubarb, Mint, Cuban Oregano, Thyme. Plants that did Ok: Brandywine Tomatoes, Chives, Lavendar, Raspberries and Pumpkin (doing much better now!) Plants that did not fare well: Watermelon, Sweet Bell Peppers.

Speaking of time going by, I just can't get over how busy we got with the boys this mid-summer. I love it, though! I actually had a quasi-panick attack thinking of how trapped we'll be in the winter, and how much of a hassle it is to get dressed just to go outside for 10 minutes before you freeze your tushie off. Ah well. No sense getting worked up over it now. ;-)

This time instead of posting pictures of my garden, here are a couple of pictures of a small sample of our harvest, and a cake I made with ingredients from my herb garden. I wish I could've shared these with you.

My silly 4 year old

More everday moments

Here's Adrian playing with Manny's toy. He, of course, prefers Manny's toys versus his baby toys.

Everyday Moments with the boys

I hope you enjoy these little videos as much as I do! Sometimes it's the little things that are the sweetest things about my day. Like hearing Manny spontaneously say, "Mama I love you." Or seeing Adrian light up when he looks at me with that huge smile. Or the way they giggle at each other. When I force myself to not worry about cleaning the house and just sit down with them and enjoy them in the present...life is bliss!

Beetles 1 - Jacquie 0

There is a battle occurring in my garden. And yet I feel like Ghandi in the middle of a minefield. Yes, it is our choice to grow things organically. I remember that. I could go in there and battle those dang Japanese Beetles and Squash bugs with tons of powder, sprays and chemical warfare. But...but...but...what about the children? I would hate for my kids to not be able to touch the leaves, eat the fruit, walk barefoot on the grass because I've just killed everything so that my garden will look better. The Japanese beetles are all over everything. My sweet peas, my grape leaves, my raspberry leaves, the pole beans...even my tomatoes!!! They are in the hundreds all over...EWWWWW. I tried a hot pepper remedy...I think they like it spicy. Well I can't blame them, I like it spicy too. ;-) I don't know, I know there are organic sprays, and perhaps I'll have to use that next time. Because they are winning. They've left my grapes a skeletal mess and are hungry for more.

If you have any ideas please email. Seriously...you have three days or I'm turning to the dark side and buying Real Kill. Other than that, things are growing very nicely!

Japanese Beetles eating my green bean leaves

Hope

Sometimes I take for granted this four letter word. There is such power and inspiration in the choice to hope. There is such freedom in letting go and having faith that things may turn out for the better. I was thinking about this while looking at my flower. You see, after one of my toughest winters ever, I was quite eager for spring, and as soon as it got a wee bit warmer, I bought one of my favorite flowers for the garden. The Black Eyed Susan. It is a beautiful yet humble little flower. It doesn't shout out for attention like a Rose, Dahlia or Peony. It is understated in its beauty. Perhaps that's why I like it so much.

During the spring I would bring it inside at night. One cool night I left it out a little too long and it all but died on me. I had a choice, plant it and see what happens or throw it away. Well, I decided to take a chance on my poor little flower. So I planted it, and had faith and hope that it would survive. Many, many weeks went by where it just looked awful. But I didn't have the heart to throw her away! I kept telling myself, one more week. Well, soon thereafter I saw an encouraging sign...dark green growth...just a little bit...but enough to give me hope. So I left her alone. I weeded around her, but pretty much just let nature take over. I could have added fertilizer or food but, I don't know, a part of me wanted to see how she'd do on her own.

My hope has paid off, she is strong, green and just about to burst forth with her first flowers. I can't wait! I'm so glad I had hope for her. I think we've all been in personal situations where we're either the gardener tending to our most desperate plant; or we're the desperate plant just praying that someone won't throw us away. That someone will love us and encourage us to live and grow stronger. That someone will have faith in us. That someone will hope to see us burst forth in tremendous beauty. Black Eyed Susan in May 2008

Black Eyed Susan in July 2008