Doubts and Certainty

It's been a long, long while hasn't it? Truth be told, I've been quite overwhelmed and distracted and every time I thought about blogging I just didn't have the energy. The plants are in the ground! They are small, and though they are growing slowly, I find myself being impatient with them. I'm astounded at how much I don't know. I really have no idea what I'm doing. I read about gardening, I weed, I water sometimes. But I have many questions and I second-guess myself...especially when I see that my neighbor's spinach is all ready for picking while mine is just getting started, or that my tomato plants still look quite small compared to a friend's. And so I begin to wonder: Am I an inadequate gardener?

I guess, by just a simple stretch of the imagination that the same thing happens with parenting. Sometimes it's hard to accept my way of parenting without second-guessing myself or my children. It can be difficult not to compare their skills and personalities to other kids. Especially if the other kids are doing more, saying more, exploring more, even growing more. In our society we are driven to be independent, be the best, be all that you can be, be more than, and keep up with the Jones's. How can we relax? All of this leads us to ask, "Am I an inadequate parent?"

But I keep myself in check with this...grace. I remind myself that it is better to give more happiness and encouragement to that other parent and their kids instead of jumping on the comparison train. I sincerely feel good for them, and proud of them for what they're able to do, while still being proud of my kids even if they are not able to do what the other kid can do.

I'll admit that in the past, as a new mom, this was not easy for me. I honestly feel that I've evolved into a different mom, a more accepting mom and friend. I've realized that in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter how they measure up compared to somebody else. What is important is that I treat my children lovingly and respectfully so that they learn to do the same to each other and to others. Are we always successful at being nice and sharing and taking turns and not yelling and asking please and saying thank you? No, of course not. But the foundation for them to be good men is there. I can see it. I can feel it. Though it fills my heart with joy at the same time that it is bittersweet to watch them grow older, I look forward to who they will become.

So perhaps I should take a parenting lesson into gardening this time. I guess I should take a chill pill and stop comparing my garden to other gardens. My little plants are just fine. Sure, they're not as tall as the neighbor's, and they may not be flowering yet; but I enjoy them anyway. I may not have done things perfectly but I've cared for them and I am excited about the process and I look forward to what they will become.

Update: 6/21/09: Here are some pictures of some of the garden. You may wonder what's that orange stuff on Manny's face? It's pollen from the first lily to bloom. He tried to smell it, and wow, I didn't realize pollen actually stains! He looked like he had warrior paint on his face. We've had some big storms the last couple of days and the garden has grown since these pictures! The carrots are coming up, the corn is up to my knees and the broccoli up to my thighs. Spinach and Lettuce are ready for picking and the snow peas have flowered. The tomatoes and peppers took a big jump in growth. It's all very exciting!